Break?

Well today is like my last day of class before break these last 2 weeks have been stupid trying. I've had so many papers and projects to pull together and  think I am almost there. I have a 4 page paper and power point presentation I need to generate before 1:30, it's 11:38 right now and I haven't started... I have problems I know but I am totally burnt out. Really I don't have any more attention to give, energy, nothing. I just want to waste time, sounds bad but I want to just like nap in a friends bed on a 80 degree day with my jeans on... 

In the midst of all the hell I lived threw these past 2 weeks I spent a lot of time thinking... things are so funny in my life right now, On New Years eve I made a pact with my girls that we'd have the best year ever 09 would be like the best thing to happen to us we would travel and find world wind romances and like sit on the beach and share 40 oz's crazy. Not all of that happened but a lot of it happened for some of us, we made it threw like 3 crazy months of absolute fun. some of us found that romance thing and I think that's awesome so your waiting for the but. There isn't one I don't believe everyone found what they were looking for, even me, my find wasn't wrapped in the paper of a romance or even a sandy beach with a forty and friends but rather a chance. 

A chance to, well I haven't figured out an exact word for my chance but to basically to do all the things I been saying I'd do. Things I'd dreamt about, places i dreamt abut living, starting the books I want to write and a chance to develop me. I am me yeah, but I can't remember a time I  existed on my own. DAMN that was a dose of truth yes people I am human. But ever since I could remember I had Destiny, or Lindsay or Tasha, or Sam, or Mitch, or Whitney or Antoine, or Chirsti or Vic... that's a lot of people but I they weren't all there at the same time but in my life at certain points each of them was my support system. There when I needed to vent or was lonely or wanted to laugh, They are all not gone but not there how they once were, NOT a bad thing at all.  I think at this point I have to find my own way, and God is defiantly positioning things in my life right now for me to do so.  

Finding yourself can be very scary and people hate to admit this because everyone loves to think they know exactly who they are and where they are going. Not me, I'm real I know I don't have all the answers, I don't know exactly who I am yet, I have an idea of who I want to be and from that long paragraph up there *points up on the page* am figuring out the path to get there.  

It's noon and I still haven't started that paper. 

I sat down to blog about something else and I guess this is what was really on my mind... funny how that happens to me. I wanted to talk about how lazy I am and how I want a break to be more lazy and how March has sucked for me. How I am the only person I know who is still single and I hate it, and how guys and people suck in general. I guess that's not how I really feel though. I don't think guys suck, I think that I don't invest the right things into relationships and then give up when they don't go the way I want them to, I don't settle for anything less then perfect, strange because I'm not, something I need to work on. People don't suck either I think people just need to be them and that's just dandy, I need to be me and find that thing that makes me forget about things too, or lose interest in all the bullshit that clogs up my life such as facebook and my sidekick. (sidebar i need a new phone if any one has a iPhone 3g for sale please let me know) OK so I have officially went off on a tangent so I'll end here

I am Asia right now today March 12th 2009 

I am not the conventional beauty, 

I'm not a girlfriend, 

I'm a student

I'm a friend

I'm Stubborn

I'm in pj's

I'm jobless

and I don't know what any of this means and I don't know where it's all going but....

I'll see.... 

It's 12:40 and I haven't started on that paper. 

A$